A way of regarding situations, facts, etc, and judging their relative importance
The proper or accurate point of view or the ability to see it; objectivity
Perspective. We were all given the amazing ability to be able to have perspective on life. Although we were each given different levels and intensities, we can all call on a little perspective in all situations. I have a friend who is amazing with this. She has an eternal perspective that is never ending, hence the eternal part. She can go through the toughest time, but she is always aware that it is a small moment in time, and draws comfort in that. I, on the other hand have a very physical perspective. When times get hard I can look at a situation and know that in time it will pass, and seem so small, but in the moment my emotions take over.
Last night Daniel and I said our final goodbyes. I had been preparing for it for a long time, but somehow what the actual event brought was worse than I had imagined. Which was really surprising because I am very good at imaging the worst. We decided to skype and then to end with a phone call. What it turned into was a crying fest starting with a text to inform me it was time to skype, the actual skype, then the phone call, and then a few last text messages. I think we were both surprised at how hard it was, and finding words was difficult. Of course I want him to go way more then I want him to stay. Of course I am so proud of him and excited for the adventure he is embarking on. Of course I have enough perspective to know that we are going to be a-okay, but that didn't and doesn't make it easier. I still had to say goodbye to my best friend and the person I shared everything with for so long. I wanted to tell him I didn't know how I was going to deal, or how I was going to BYU next fall. I wanted to tell him that he was the reason I went back to BYU for the second semester and I am afraid of what this next semester will bring. I wanted to tell him that I am so afraid of how things could change between us, but I didn't. I didn't tell him any of those things because whether I felt them or not, it doesn't matter. He is going on a mission, and that is where he need to be. I support that 100%.
I don't think that people who are no of my faith understand the seriousness of what Daniel has decided to do, or how important it is to us. I don't think I have ever done a good job explaining why, and I know many of you wonder. Daniel, like me believes in my church and it's teachings, and he wants to be able to offer that to others. This is not like other missions that many other go on. This is not 2 weeks, this is 2 years. Daniel will wake up early, read scriptures, have prayer, and set out for a day serving and teaching in his area. He will then come home and be in bed by 1030. He will do this everyday except on p-days (preparation day). On p-day he will have the day to go shopping, do laundry, and write to his family and friends. Writing, by the way, is the only form of communication he will have expect for Mother's day and Christmas. Those two days he will be able call his family and speak to them. I guess I am writing this to help others understand. Many ask why? Why do this? Why work so hard? The reason is faith. Daniel like other missionaries chose this because he believes that what he is giving up is less important than what he is giving to others. He is so dedicated to the Lord that it was never a question whether he would serve or not. Daniel is choosing to miss weddings, holidays, graduations, nieces and nephews births, family gatherings, girls, a social life, movies, books, and tv shows. On a personal level he will miss Linsey's wedding, 2 years of my time at BYU, his sister's state Jr. Miss I will be attending, and I think the hardest one to deal with, time with me. He didn't make this choice out of spite or because he was pressured. He made it because he believes it is the right thing to do. It is an amazing thing for a 19 year old boy to be so dedicated to something that he doesn't even second guess his decision. I have been very blessed to have him as an example in my life. I think his dedication helps me to put a little perspective in my own life.
Our goodbye was really hard. One of the hardest things I have had to do in my life. I told him that it was going to be okay, and that we would both benefit, but all I could think about was how I was going to get through it all. We both cried a lot, but we also laughed. We talked about our favorite memories together, and man did we have some good times. We ended our conversation with many goodbyes and I love yous, and I got off the phone. Luck for me I have both my amazing sister at my house, so I went and climbed in bed with them. I cried a lot, but the girls got me talking and it seemed like I was going to be okay. Heather and Linsey would make me laugh so hard that I would start crying. I had completely forgotten how much fun it is to have us all together. I'm very grateful that they were there and still are that for me. Daniel sent me a couple last text messages that ended up being really cheesy. Leave it to Daniel to put humor into a hard situation.
This morning I woke up and didn't have that moment where I had forgotten. I was afraid I would forget and reach for my phone to call him, but thank goodness I didn't. I wrote him a letter already through dearelder.com. They send the letters and packages out on the same day you write it. He went into the MTC at 130 today and he should get my packages around 330. I also sent him a goodie basket. It made me feel better to be able to at least write him and send him some goodies. The hard part is waiting for letters back. With only getting to write once a week it can take awhile, but I'm a patient girl. Here is the goodie basket I sent....
Perspective is a wimpy friend. In the darkest of hours and time it will abandon you and another will take its place. Pain. But pain can only stay around for so long. Pain can't outlast laughter and happiness that comes with life. Pain will leave you in a heartbeat and perspective will come back. From there you can see an eternity and how this one thing is just a small dot on the big picture we call life.
Until next time,