Hello there! It's been a long time since I last blogged and I do apologize about that! I have done some fun things in the last week and some not so fun things, but lets start with the fun things. I hung out with my good friend Jessica and we had a really fun girl's night. We went and took pictures (LOVE THEM!) and then went to the Salt Lake Temple! It is so beautiful!! After the temple we hit up Red Lobster! It was a blast. I laughed more then I have in a long time that night! Then Friday rolled around. I packed up my stuff and hit the road to go see Annie and Darrin and their girls Tommye-lynn and Brylee. It was a great weekend! We slept in, went swimming, had a fire, made SMORES!!, ate really bad food, and chatted. I loved it! Sunday I came back home and I have been way bummed ever since.
This week is crazy. It is going by fast, but also so slow. I leave in exactly a week from today! I am sad and ready. I hate hate hate BYU right now but I believe that has more to do with what a boy did to me here then anything else. I have finals starting on Saturday and of course cleaning and packing. Its going to be crazy and I should be studying my butt off, but all I do is lay in bed and watch Friends. Okay that's a lie, I do other stuff too but if I am home, I'm watching Friends. But I guess this is better then what I want to do which is lay in my bed and never ever come out. My sister-in-law said that after one of her breakups she stayed in her bed and didn't come out for 7 days. I'm thinking I should have done this. See if I would have just stayed in my bed then maybe I would be over it by now and I could act like a normal person. Unfortunately that didn't happen and I don't act like a normal person. I just cry and complain and get mad and then cry some more. I wish crying made you lose weight because I would probably be like 20 pounds by now. Well in my time just laying around I have come up with a guide that should be followed with any breakup. Now if you don't care about the boy then no worries, this is for your I was in love with him and he dumped me breakup. So here it goes....
1. Just go ahead and drop your phone down the toilet.... he isn't going to call
2. Stop checking your facebook a million times a day...he won't message you
3. When you see him put on a huge fake smile and prepare to small talk...(warning-small talk is AWKWARD so be prepared)
4. DO NOT and I repeat DO NOT look at pictures of the two of you.... trust me it doesn't go over well
5. Delete all the songs you listened to together or that meant something... I haven't done this one because that's a lot of songs, but it would probably save me some crying
6. When he brings up another girl just act like you didn't hear him
7. Change your routes so you don't run into him
9. Delete his number and don't memorize it...easier said then done
10. Stop caring... this won't happen so just pretend you don't care
So pretty much ready to get home. I know that it won't make things any easier but at least I won't be reminded every day of this year. I wish I could forget it all. I wish it had never happened. If I had known that it would end like this then I wouldn't have gone through with it because it's not worth the emptiness and loneliness and tears that comes with it. I am sure one day I will look back on it and see some good in it, but all I see now is someone who I thought would never hurt me.... and oh wait... HE DID. I know this post is total blah, but I figured that I would go ahead and post at least one post about this whole thing. And I don't mean a oh everything is fine we are going to be friends post. I mean a I am not okay and no we don't even talk anymore because its all over post. It's over. I can't even get it through my head that it's over. And I don't even know how to feel. Half me is like okay well at least you know now that he doesn't care about you and now you can move on, and the other half of me is just like what? Its funny stuff happens, or I guess more like doesn't happen between us and I still find my self feeling surprised. Like why can't I just let all the hope gone? I don't understand why I still think something will change, but a small part of me does. I think that as time goes on and it becomes more and more obvious that we aren't friends then I will realize that there is nothing to hold on to anymore. I think I'm getting there with every day we don't talk and don't see each other, but it's hard because we are still thrown together. Life goes on is what you will say to me, and to that I will say yes you are right, it does go on. But for now in my small world in Provo at BYU my life has pretty much stopped. I am excited to get home and have start again. Well I hope that this post finds you well because it sure doesn't find me well. Luckily it won't be long until I'm back to my old self!
And until then,