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Thursday, March 24, 2011

You Never Know What You Have Until It's Gone

           So I'm going to dedicate this blog to all the things I never realized I had and to one of my best friends who is a senior in high school. To you my dear, I say he is a jerk and it's his loss. Now to the things that I have always looked over until I lost them, and no this isn't about him, so put your tissues away. Thanks.
                1. High School- Okay when I was in high school I hated EVERY SINGLE MINUTE OF IT. I wanted out so bad from the moment I started it. And then I came to college...... Now I don't hate college by any means but compared to high school, high school has the upper half. Yes, your still under your parents rein, but I must tell you that doesn't stop just because your 18 and in college. Nope, they will still call and insert their opinions where ever they can. And you will pretend you don't care because your an "adult" but really on the inside you agree because you don't really have any opinions of your own. High school is care free and easy. You think there is so much drama, but the sad thing is it follows you to college too. Except its a bigger deal, because he could be the guy you marry, and she could be your potential maid of honor. I'm just saying there is more on the line here! I guess what I am saying is if your in high school, enjoy it while you can and what it is worth because you never go back, and regrets are the worst thing.
                  2. My mother- So my mom isn't dead, so you can stop your gasping, but she isn't in my everyday life. When I lived at home I was SO DONE with everything that had to deal with my parents. Truth is that's going to be your first shocker. Like when you get home and you had a long day.... HELLO? WHERE IS MY DINNER? Oh that's right I have to make it myself. It's funny, I used to be so anti-parents, but now the first person I go to when I need help or just want to talk is my mom. So spend time with her when you can, because life takes you to many different places and your mom won't always be right there.
                  3. Alone time- So since I have come to college I have had this social butterfly experience. In high school, I did nothing on the weekends. I couldn't stand going out and I didn't really want anything to do with parties or people in general. BUT now I like die if I have nothing to do, not that I go to parties or anything. I'm going to go ahead and blame one person for this, yeah... you know who you are. But to say the least its been really different for me. I think now that the year is coming to an end and well things are over is certain areas of my life, I'm getting back into the old me. I don't really mind it too much. I have missed reading A LOT, Saturday's in my pj's, and going to bed at decent hours. I think I am still seen as super social, but its more of a I have done this all year so now people expect me to be way. And let me tell you a little something about alone time. You don't get much of it if you share a room. I love love love my roommate, but make sure you realize what your getting into. It means going to your car to cry, pretending your okay, pretending that what just happened didn't tick you off, holding back yelling, keeping your room so clean its almost exhausting, and that's right LIVING WITH A PERSON 24/7. It's fun too though. You always have someone to talk to and share things with. You get the experience of learning to live with someone else. Sleep overs are pretty much a every night thing, and laughing your head off at all hours of the night is inescapable. I think sharing a room is a really great thing your freshmen year. It helps the awkwardness and you always have someone to stick with. This semester I have loved more than anything my roommate. She is pretty much awesome. She gives the best advice and handles me crying better than anyone I have EVER SEEN! Pretty much she is a rock star and I'm grateful for our year together. If you are going into college, make sure you always set time away for yourself from the very beginning, it will make things easier. And learn that your roommate wants to have just as much fun and a successful year as you do. So sit down and talk about those things that are going to make you both have a great one.
                  Okay so now to the one of my best friends part. Alright, I have to do this because 1. This boy is dumb, please read aloud his letter and try not to laugh. Impossible. 2. These are your typical boy things to say and it kills me and 3. It makes me say um WHAT? So here it is.....
    But before you read it check out this video because this is why it is probably so funny to me http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9LRz2X9Azxs
   Okay on to the letter
I am sorry I hurt you. That was never my plan, or still my plan. I think your a beautiful, kind, and a loving person. Last year when I came down, I'll be straight up and honest with you. I was in love with somebody who wasn't in love with me. I didn't know what to do, all I knew is that I wanted that same feelings from somebody else. Even during what happened last winter I felt terrible during and after because I realized I wasn't having those feelings. If I ever would have known that you liked me that much I would have never let what happen last winter occur. I never knew your feelings were that deep. For me we were both young and it was something fun to do. I didn't feel like I was using you either because I thought you were thinking the same way I was. If you felt used I apologize, but I honestly wasn't just trying to use you or play some game or any of that. I thought we both were under the impression that we were never going to go out, but that we would have a good time when we saw each other. That is why when I got a girlfriend a month later, I was shocked at how upset you were. I couldn't believe that I was being attacked like I cheated on you. I was talking to Chloe since Halloween, but I never really knew if we were going to go anywhere. Then after I got back, I decided I wanted to be with her and we had lots of fun together. I thought that you and I would continue being friends and things would be cool. Then when you got really mad at me and wouldn't talk to me, I just threw it away. After that point I honestly lost a lot of respect in our friendship. I thought that when you wanted to talk to me you would. I just let it be, and decided not worry or think about it. Then when you did decided you wanted to talk to me again, I felt betrayed. Almost as if you weren't going to be my friend if I had a girlfriend. Since you started texting me again I have been tempted to call and text you numerous times, but there is this thing holding me back and I don't even know what it is. I really think it's important that we talk though. Because I would love to be your friend and even if you don't want to be mine I think it is important we clear everything up. 

I've made many mistakes in my life, but I don't want to hurt you. I don't want you to be angry, upset, or any other negative emotion because of what I did in the past. Your an amazingly strong and courageous person and even you taking the strength to write this letter I can tell that you have changed for the better in the past year. Just remember no matter what any person says or does to you, always have confidence in your self to get past it. Your own personal strength can and will get you through all difficult situations. Because at the end of the day the person you must trust and love the most is yourself. If you want to be mad at me, I can take and I understand the anger, but whatever you do, make sure to not let those negative emotions eat you up. I don't want to see you continue to be hurt by what happened. 

 Okay, I hope you all enjoyed the dumbness of this letter. Seriously I was laughing so hard I almost died when I read it. Like what is he thinking. And A, honey, if someone writes you this kind of letter you don't want to be their friend/lover/he shouldn't even be able to speak your name. And that's all. Love you all! And hope all is well!
- Muah
P.S. I didn't even tell y'all what is going on in my life! How rude! Okay so Texas was fab! I was there 9 hours and all I did was appointments. I love the south and I HATE everything about the north. I.Will.Never.Live.Up.Here.For.Good. mark my words. And today has been fab. I ran 9 miles and hit up the mall! Check out my new shoes....

Yeah, its Love!!
          Okay so I'm going to Daniel's house this weekend. I will give you guys updates asap! Hope all is well!

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