"Watching you walk out of my life does not make me bitter or cynical about love. But rather makes me realize that if I wanted so much to be with the wrong person how beautiful it will be when the right one comes along."
Okay y'all! Let's not pretend like we don't know what this post is going to about. I mean come on! If the title didn't help then the gay quote should! Okay in all reality that quote is not gay. It's very true and I am very excited for the future. So here's the story, but since this is public I will be kind and not say exactly what I want. I will just be nice about it :)
So Daniel and I are done. AGAIN? Yeah... again, but for real this time. Yep. It. Sucks. Well sorta. I mean like I'm free for the first time in 7 months. I have no one to answer to and I can do whatever I want. It's weird not having any ties to Provo now. I mean I'm going to leave in 28 days (but who is counting) and except for my roommates, I won't bat an eye. I won't pretend like I'm not upset at all but I mean come on how long could this soap opera go on? I mean I thought I was the actress in this relationship, UM NOPE. I was beat out for that award probably about 2 months ago. Sad thing is I didn't even know it. Next time I will make sure I'm the only one with acting skills. Now that sounded harsh. It isn't like that, really. Daniel and I are friends still and I'm sure he will leave for his mission still my friend. Really to tell you guys the truth I'm just glad I found out now instead of, um let me see...... 2 1/2 years from now. Seems like moving on is more reasonable now. "How can you be his friend?" is the question you and everyone else and their mom is asking. So I'll answer that for ya. Well when you care about someone it's hard to just watch them walk out of your life, not to mention the boy is leaving for a 2 year, no contact, see ya never, mission in like 3 months (79 days, but who is counting), and after 28 days we are over. So it's not like I have to hang in there much longer. I can't imagine BYU without Daniel right now, so until I'm back home in a place Daniel doesn't belong I won't completely move on. So might as well stick it out and be nice. Plus us not being friends= facebook deletion, phone deletion, and if you even look at me or say my name I will pretend I never knew you. Harsh? Nah.... just the way life is. If your not going to be nice then get out of my life because I don't have time for games or crap from anyone.
You know, I've been thinking.... I think I'm too forward. I meet people and I immediately decide if I like them or if I don't. If I don't then I don't waste time on them because I don't ever want to be fake. But I think that makes people nervous. I make up my mind in a short amount of time and I am very up front about my feelings and thoughts. Probably doesn't go over well, and probably doesn't go well for some of you reading this blog. But the thing about me is that if you are in my life and I talk to you and make time for you then YOU KNOW WITHOUT A DOUBT that you mean something to me. I think that must be nice for some, but at the same time not as nice for others. I guess maybe I should work on that, but then again my mom raised me a very strong, very independent, woman and that is something I am proud of.
So I guess back to the issue at hand and the fact that you are all so worried sick about me. Okay y'all lets be honest here. I'm going to be fine. Yeah, first love and all it SUCKS, but um come on I kinda deserve better. Plus my family has had it so it was bound to happen. I really will be okay. Yeah its going to hurt and sting for a bit, but this 28 days will fly by. And then I will be back in Dallas doing what I love! Another internship with the real love of my life Dr.McCavit, which just welcomed his 4th child into the world btw. Yeah, I always seem to fall for impossible guys!! Guess there is always safety in ones that wont work out. You learn a lot from the first time you are in love, I've realized. I have found things that I will NEVER allow again, and things that I loved and will want in my future husband. I can't say I regret our relationship sadly. I wish I could say I hated him and that I never wanted to see him again, but I can't. We both made HUGE mistakes along the way which ultimately ended it, but I think we have both learned a lot. Like he has learned a Hodgkiss girl from Texas probably isn't his best bet. And I have learned that anyone from the land of Idaho should not be in the line up for marriage. Being young and immature sucks. I wish we had everything figured out, but we don't. We both went into this blind and it didn't end up well. I'm not sure where the future will lead. Honestly, I'm not sure we are going to be friends in a week. I'm afraid its going to fall apart, but guess what? That's okay! It's going to fall apart in 28 days anyways so it will just be a little bit earlier, and maybe it won't make it so hard. Until further notice though we are friends and will enjoy each other's company when the situation arises.....
Oh, like this weekend. Did I tell y'all we are going to his house for the weekend? Ha! Yep! Okay once again I know what you are thinking, why the h would you go to his house? Well once again because I am so nice I will answer your questions! I'm going because 1. Me and his little sister, Sarah (who's Jr. Miss pageant is this weekend) are pretty much bff, and I promised here I would be there 2. Its not like its just some dumb promise, I want to be there for her and to see her and support her 3. I do love Daniel's family and if we are going to move forward we need to just go on with life. So I'm going through with the plans. I'm going this weekend and I am going to have the time of my life, and not let a single thing bother me. I have no one to impress and their judgements don't matter, nor do Daniel's. So bring on the sweats and no makeup! Of course I will update you guys on how it goes, but really we are going to have a great time, and it will be great to get away from BYU for the weekend.
Which reminds me..... I have a flight I have to be up for in 2 hours..... Yeah I should probably hit the hay. I'm flying into Dallas for 12 hours of not 1, not 2, BUT 3 appointments. 1 orthodontist, 1 jaw surgery, and 1 teeth cleaning. Sounds like its going to be a grand time! Well I hope all is well with y'all. I do miss all of you and can't wait for summer to come to see you guys. Well if you live in Dallas that is!
Until next time,